Dark Humour

by Mark Westin

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"Smart songs for beautiful people. Like you."

That’s how Mark Westin describes the contents of Dark Humour. On this, his third album of original music, Mark takes full ownership of the songcraft territory staked out on his previous two releases; Dark Humour matches sharply insightful lyrics with stellar musicianship and sonically superb production.

What will you hear when you listen to the songs that make up Dark Humour? A touch of Townshend, a dollop of Davies, a sliver of Steely Dan, perhaps a zegment of Zappa? These and many other wide-ranging musical and lyrical influences are in evidence, but Mark brings new blood to the time-honored tradition of the rock n’ roll songwriter. Equal parts crunchy guitars and delicate vocal harmonies, Dark Humour weaves classic threads into a modern tapestry.

The songs on Dark Humour paint detailed portraits of characters we all know, with lyrics that point fingers, poke fun and pull no punches. There’s the celebrity romance of "When Beautiful People Break Up", the surgically-enhanced babe of "Almost Got It Right", and "The Naked Houseboy", a six-minute suite that defies easy classification. From the angst-ridden loner of "Not a Stalker Song" to the unabashed self-love of "Narcissistic as Me" to the pure bite-the-hand-that-feeds snarl of "Open Mike" and "Formula", it’s popular entertainment that reflects Mark Westin’s…well, Dark Humour.


released September 5, 2017


all rights reserved



Mark Westin New York, New York

Mark Westin's songs have been described as:

"A different way of looking at the world that's refreshingly bizarre."
"...not afraid to take on sacred cows..."
"if Warren Zevon and George Carlin wrote together..."

Mark's been gigging and writing a long time, and he's a wordsmith of a very high order. His songs are diverse, eclectic, darkly humorous, and for real.

Listen and decide for yourself.
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Track Name: Narcissistic as Me
I’m looking pretty
I’m looking good
I’m getting stares in the neighborhood
I’m getting lucky
But I can’t find
The special someone I can love for all time

It seems so simple or at least it should be
I want someone narcissistic as me

So what’s the problem if I’m keeping in trim
I check my biceps every day in the gym
When I pump iron I got all the moves
I want a girl who digs my masculine groove

Just feast your eyes on my physicality
I want someone narcissistic as me

My clothes are tailored, don’t buy off the rack
Stand next to me your suit will look like a sack
When I go dancing I dress to the nines
I want a partner who can look just as fine

I’m fashion forward it’s easy to see
I want someone narcissistic as me

I’ve read the Bible
Kabbalah and Tao
I’m always living in the right here and now
I’ve studied shamans
and tricksters and mystics
I want my soul mate to be polytheistic

I need to dialogue on theology
I want someone narcissistic as me
Track Name: The Naked Houseboy
I am the naked houseboy
I keep an eye on stuff
I dust and do the shopping
I do it in the buff

I like to do the windows
So everyone can see
You have a naked houseboy
Domestic nude, that’s me

So many naked houseboys
Would never mow the lawn
But I will rake and prune the hedge
And turn the sprinklers on

I’ll take out all the garbage
And clean the chimney flue
‘Cause these are just the kinds of things
That naked houseboys do

Don’t ask why I’m a naked houseboy
You may find that a naked houseboy
Holds the secret to all that’s closed
Inside your clothes

You might think that it’s funny
You might think that it’s sad
You might think I’m exploited
It’s really not that bad

You might think it’s disgusting
But I’m not judging you
I’m just a naked houseboy
And I’ve got work to do
Track Name: When Beautiful People Break Up
When beautiful people break up it couldn’t be that bad
They’ve got their good looks to cheer them up
And friends to call if they get sad

When beautiful people break up they never get depressed
They go right out to do the town
In shiny cars and nicely dressed

I know it’s true I’ve seen them there before
I know it’s true I’ve never seen them wanting more

When beautiful people break up the pain is swift and sweet
it blows away by break of day
like papers on a city street

When beautiful people break up they cry some lovely tears
Then dry their eyes and wear a smile
And look ahead to happy years

I know it’s true it’s just the way they are
I know it’s true when you’re as bright as any star

that shines into the universe and never seems to fade
illuminating all our flaws exposing every last charade

When beautiful people break up the timing’s always right
The movie ends, they part as friends
They never spend a lonely night

When beautiful people break up the world comes to their door
And lets them know it loves them so
And loves them till forever more

I know it’s true I’ve seen that story line
I know it’s true I wish that it were yours and mine
Track Name: Almost Got It Right
Well you got the heels and you got the hose
And you broke the bank on designer clothes
You did the hair and you did the nails
You did everything that the look entails

But there’s something baby you forgot to do
And that’s understand that the look don’t look like you

I got just one thing to say when you walk that walk my way
With your sweater cut so low and your skirt so tight
Baby you almost got it right – but not quite

Well you spent as much as a girl can spend
On the color tint in your contact lens
And you spent a week in the dentist chair
Making sure your smile had the special flair

But there’s one big change that you forgot to make
That’s your mind when you decided to go fake

I got just one thing to say when you walk that walk my way
And you flash those baby blues and those pearly whites
Baby you almost got it right – but not quite

How much farther will you go to complete your beauty quest
Baby I don’t wanna know what’s inside that perfect chest

Now your credit cards gotten all maxed out
From the stuff you did to make yourself stand out
But the only ring on your telephone
Is the repo man for your auto loan

Cause the boys you hoped to snag are steering clear
Since they found there’s nothing in between your ears

So there’s just one thing to say when you walk that walk my way
And you hope I’m gonna take you home tonight
Baby you almost got it right – but not quite
Track Name: Wouldn't That Be Love
we love each other so much
the neighbors get sick of it
we’re playing kissy face
in every single public place
yeah we’re in the thick of it

and wouldn’t it be magic if there was a way
that we could be together all day
all day everyday wouldn’t that be love

we’d wake up in our double bed/and spend the morning snuggly
and when I’m making cereal/your presence so ethereal
would circle round and hug me

we’d walk out in the sunshine/unable to part
four arms and legs between us but/one mind one heart
all day everyday/wouldn’t that be love

it’s not enough to have a photograph/or hair inside a locket
I’m working on a dream/to build a laser beam
that shrinks you for my pocket

I’d keep you close beside me for all I go through
or you could do the same to me too
all day every day wouldn’t that be love

yes every little nuance of each others’ life
you and I would know
we’d never have a need to find our own space
because there’d be no place to go
so close all the time that it borders on scandal
perpetual moths to each other’s candle
drawn ever closer with each waking breath
till we fly into the flame and burn ourselves to death
all day everyday wouldn’t that be love

we love each other so much
we’re terrified of others
when we turn out the light
we cling so very tight
until we’re very nearly smothered

and won’t it be a wonder
as we pass the years
if both of us
end up staying here
all day everyday
wouldn’t that be love
wouldn’t that be love
Track Name: Open Mike (v2.0)
In every little city in a dingy bar
There’s an overweight Adonis with a blues guitar
There’s an overage Madonna who’s a half step flat
There’s the next insert a name here in a stupid hat

You can meet ‘em any Monday in a nervous dream
Like a cavalcade of losers on the winning team
Any one of them would live or die to feed the beast
It’s the weekly competition to see who sucks least

It’s open mike, open mike
Everybody’s great at open mike
All the clothes and the hair are so outta sight
And everyone’s a millionaire at open mike

There’s a Yankee in a cowboy shirt he’s so sincere
Singing songs in southern accents that assault the ear
There’s an artsy fartsy poet who can’t even play
But that doesn’t stop her getting up there anyway

It’s a masochistic ritual for the friends who come
After just a couple verses well you just feel numb
While the girlfriends in the corner like to sit and squeal
Over who looks more professional and who’s more real

At open mike, open mike
Everybody falls for you at open mike
You were the best one you were so psyched
And everyone’s a visionary open mike

This one’s a little too whiny
And that one’s a little too slick
And everybody’s always so shiny
And nobody ever says dick

At open mike, open mike
We’re one big happy family at open mike
I’ll forget you tomorrow but I love you tonight
Cause everyone’s a superstar at open mike

Open mike, open mike
Everybody’s great at open mike
The rockin’ rollin’ future on display all right
And everyone’s a poster child at open mike
Track Name: Singing In Bars
The monkeys are flying around outer space
The president landed on Mars
Prince Charles is dancing the samba in place
You can say anything when you’re singing in bars

The aliens melted the ice caps this week
the penguins have all become queer
Tom Cruise taught an African reindeer to speak
When you sing in a bar nothing sounds very clear

Oh it’s noisy and crowded and everyone’s lost
in their own little worlds all around
you can say what you like just as long as the sound of your voice
makes the whiskey go down down down down
down down down down
down down down down
just help make the whiskey go down

The girls look so pretty with pints in their hands
as they check out the boys with guitars
but the words the boys sing the girls can’t understand
cause the sound system sucks when you’re singing in bars

The headlines are screaming of sex and divorce
and the glamorous life of the stars
I could blow off their kneecaps and show no remorse
I could hold you all hostage without any force
I could tell you your car’s been replaced by a horse
but you won’t give a fuck cause I’m singing in bars
Track Name: Not a Stalker Song
I’m in love with a girl who doesn’t know it yet
oh but she’s gonna find out soon
there’s a chill in the air, there’s a storm on the way
and the clouds cover up the moon

she’ll be sitting alone with a book and the cat
she’ll be drinking a glass of wine
I go out of my mind when I see her like that
and I need to go make her mine

I’ve been bathed I’ve been shaved and I’ve started to dress
as I practice my heartfelt lines
I can get to her house in eight minutes or less
cause I clocked it now seventeen times
heading out of my lair I go over my list
I’ve got all of the tools I need
Every detail is planned not a thing have I missed
there’s no doubt that I will succeed

I’ve been waiting for weeks for a moment like this
she can eat up the distance from boredom to bliss
I’ll be laying it all on the line to confess
that I loved her the moment we met
when people say love is strange my friend
they don’t know just how strange it can get

leave the car up the street and I’ll walk from here
cause it’s easy to get away fast
if she turns me away I would die today
but I know we can make it last

now I’m back on her lawn in the dark by the trees
just preparing my message of love
And in one minute more I’ll be outside her door
in my hoodie my mask and my gloves


she’s got soft music on and she’s wearing a gown
and the candles encircle the room
she looks beautiful now and I barely can wait
from this window I smell her perfume
now she’s turning her back and the moment is here
as I softly slip over the sill
as she tosses her hair she is still unaware
that tonight I will go for the kill

then she turns and I’m there but before she can scream
there’s a ring on her phone and it feels like a dream
when she passes me by and she heads down the hall
and says ‘wait a sec hon, I’m expecting this call’
then she’s gone for an hour till I knock on her door and say
"please tell your mom don’t call Fridays no more."

I’d been waiting all week now the moment’s been missed
I went above and beyond to keep the marital bliss
even brushed and I flossed to taste good when we kissed
I played my part to the hilt I got a right to be pissed

Well at least it’s my turn to choose next week’s game
and I plan on including the pet
when people say love is strange my friend
they don’t know just how strange it can get
Track Name: What The Cool Kids Do
Never got invited to the party in the barn
The big one with the kegs out in the back
Never spun the bottle with Alisa Barsalotti
The one with the bodacious rack
Never spent the weekend doing bong hits in the basement
Watching pornos till your eyeballs turned blue
Never got to do what the cool kids do

Never told your parents you were sneaking off to Ozzfest
Cause you knew that they would never let you go
Never hitched to Boston just to try and score a ticket
But you tripped so long you missed the whole show
Never spent the money you were saving for tuition
On a multicolor full back tattoo
Never got to do what the cool kids do

So here’s the problem
Now you’re 30 years old
And still you’re longing for the cool kid kicks
So here’s the problem
Now you’re 40 years old
And still you haven’t ever realized
That the cool kids were a bunch of stupid dicks

Never shot tequila till you lost your lunch and dinner
On the leather in your buddy’s new car
Never kept on drinking in a contest with your buddy
To see whose projectile vomit went far
Never got arrested running screaming through the village
Wearing underpants and only one shoe

Never got to do what the cool kids
Never cut out school with the cool kids
Never broke a rule like the cool kids
Didn’t end up a tool like the cool kids do
Track Name: Falling In Love On Facebook
It all began so innocently
Had friends in common so I could see
Her profile
And after awhile

I made the first move sent a request
When she accepted my heart nearly leapt
From my chest
I knew I’d been blessed

She made me smile with her cynical notes
I shared a few of my favorite Proust quotes
Pretty soon we were wall to walling
And I knew we were falling falling

Falling in love on Facebook
Loving the links we share
Falling in love on Facebook
It’s almost like she’s really there

We cyberchatted all the night long
I never knew a connection so strong
With just a wireless card
It wasn’t that hard

To open up about hopes and dreams
We were a perfect fit and so it seemed
That we had to meet
We went out to eat

Across a table an actual meal
We sat face to face in a world that was real
Not coded
We got really loaded

I got courageous and went for the kiss
No app could provide such incredible bliss
She danced in the rain as I watched it soak her
Went back to her place and I super-poked her

And we were
Falling in love on Facebook
Loving the links we share
Falling in love on Facebook
It’s almost like I’m really there

I’m head over heels in love
with all my new technology
On the web I can be who I want
Or just live in anonymity
And if I embellish a bit well forgive me
It’s just how the game is played
Before there was internet I have no clue
How anybody got laid

I don’t know how I got to this place
First we were Facebook friends
but now she’s always right in my face
she’s invading MySpace

My bio says I do intelligence work
She found out I was really a part time
produce clerk
she thinks I’m a jerk

There has to be some kind of lesson in this
I try to figure it out but I miss
She called me a loser but hey I’m not bitter
I’m doing her best friend already on Twitter

It’s gotta be better than
Falling in love on Facebook
Loving the links we share
Falling in love on Facebook
it’s almost like she’s really there
it’s almost like somebody cares

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